We were told this in our premarital counseling, and it comes out in our marriage on a regular basis. This phrase explains some differences in the way men and women think. Men compartmentalize. When approaching a problem, they isolate it like one square of a waffle until it's taken care of. When it makes them upset, they are upset about that one square.
When women are upset, the offending problem is connected to another problem, which is connected to another problem, which is connected... and so on. This is a great mental process for some situations, because we are great at finding relationships between things. However, when something goes wrong, it all goes wrong.
Here's an example: I can't find anything to wear because I'm fat because I don't have time to work out because I am stressed out at work because I have to put in extra hours to make money because I need to pay bills and have money left over to buy clothes because I can't find anything to wear.
Another way to look at it is to imagine your brain like a net. If one section of the net gets pulled down, all the surrounding sections get pulled down with it.
You may find that when you complain about a problem to your husband, he wants to solve that one before you even approach the next one. This is one of the major differences between men and women. Don't freak out that he doesn't understand the relationships between all of your problems. He's showing you love by putting on his emotional workboots to handle that one problem, so accept it! Men are fixers. If you want to cry about all of your problems just to make you feel better, call your mom or a girlfriend. It'll just frustrate him that he can't do anything about it.
It's ok to have problems. It's ok to want to cry. It's not ok to hold your husband accountable for gender differences. Call your girlfriends or mom! Go to the humane society and snuggle with baby puppies! Send me a long email of your problem and I'll pray for it! Whatever you do, realize that your husband loves you and is on your side. Let him in to a little bit of your crazy and he'll do his best to help where he can.
--Caroline
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