Direction

I was spending time with the Lord the other day, waiting for my clothes to finish at the laundromat, when I started praying for direction in my life. Now, I have recently learned that saying, "Lord, teach me          " is not the prayer to pray if you are looking for the easy way out. "Teach me patience" brought a situation in which I had to wait longer than I ever had. "Teach me how to love," brought someone into my life that was really hard to love in the ways that I knew how. "Teach me how to trust," put me so far out of my comfort zone I had anxiety attacks. Looking back on them, I realize I did get all of the things I asked for and more, but God did not follow my plan and just place those qualities into my heart. I had to learn them, to train for them like working on a muscle group.

My friend Tim Roberts spoke those words last Sunday at church, and they hit me right in the gut. Instead of whining about my situation, why am I not praying songs of praise for the growth that's happening?

I started trying to begin every prayer session with praise and thanks, and my attitude changed. I feel happier about where we are, even with so much uncertainty about our future. I don't know where I'm going to work after we move, we don't know how much utilities are going to take out of our little budget, and we don't know how much work we'll get as musicians. We don't know where we're going to church, who we're going to spend time with, or where I'll find friends. 

Last Wednesday, I was praying for direction, pouring my heart out in my journal while sitting at the  laundromat. I asked, "Lord, where is my direction? Why can I not find answers? It's getting down to the wire, and I am scared." 

He answered, 

"Driving in the fog teaches you how to pay attention to the road."

I was completely wrecked by this statement. I had wanted sunny roads with clear signage and a GPS, but the Lord had given me a mountain road, full of twists and turns and covered by fog. Here in the mountains, we ridicule the poor little Floridians* who drive 5 mph in any weather other than sunshine. I had spiritually been a Floridian driver, scared that my little car would flip on any turn and intimidated by a lack of totally clear vision. God is teaching me how to trust him, how to have faith that I will not go off a cliff because:

...We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Jesus has told me and some prophetic people that he has an incredible plan for me to make a difference in the lives of young women, and I believe that I am on the right road. I really do believe that once we move, we will find a church, friends, work, and enough money to live. I can't wait to get there.

*Note: If you are from Florida, I have nothing against you. (Just drive a little faster while you're up here in the mountains!)

With Love,

--Caroline