In Sickness & In Health

I have heard story after story of spouses sacrificially giving of themselves when their spouse is sick. Cancer seems to dominate the field. I deal with something different. Not as serious as cancer, not as temporary as a cold. I deal with an anxiety disorder every day of my life. That's when I wondered:

How do you fulfill your vows when you are the sick one?

What is my responsibility to my husband when I can think of nothing but my suffocating fears? How do I love him through my periods of total self-absorption?

Depression and anxiety affect 1 in 5 women at some point in their lives. How can we keep these illnesses from infecting our marriages?

When you do something selfless, you end up thinking of yourself less. 
Depression and anxiety do their worst when you get turned inside yourself and become self-destructive. The best way to get out of this cycle is to serve someone. Try serving your spouse. Do something you are not required to do.

Take responsibility for your actions.
It's also really tempting to blame every bad behavior on the illness. "I'm sorry I was a jerk to you, it's the depression." "I can't clean the house, I need to curl up in bed for a while." "No honey, not tonight, I just feel so sad." Resist this temptation! You are sick, but you also have to take responsibility for your actions. It's tough to hear and tougher to do, but when you become a "black hole of suckiness", your negative behaviors can really take a toll on your marriage. However, when you really can't do something, don't force it. Just don't take out your feelings on your spouse. They are trying to support you.

Take care of yourself.
This is not in contradiction to the first point. You can take care of yourself without becoming totally selfish. I know it's cliche, but the best thing you can do for yourself at this time is to exercise. Take your husband with you to the gym. It's a great way to work up the good brain chemicals while building your relationship.
*You may be tempted to go shopping to get those endorphins raging, but if you're on a budget, be very careful! Depression and anxiety sometimes bring manic episodes along that cause you to spend much more than you intended.

Reach out.
It's ok if you can't get better on your own.
It's ok to ask for help.
It's ok to get medicated if you need to.
It's not your fault.

I reached out to my pastor and a doctor when I realized my depression and anxiety was a constant and chronic problem rather than the acute problem I thought it was. Something I had a hard time dealing with was reconciling medication with my faith. I believe that God is (among other things) the ultimate healer and provider of joy. I spent months in prayer and study, trying to dig myself out of the hole. I got so discouraged about my lack of faith causing me to stay depressed and anxious. After some counseling, I came to this conclusion:

God is the ultimate healer. He gave doctors and pharmacists the wisdom to invent medications that can help me. 
God is the provider of joy. I was receiving joy constantly, but my brain chemistry let it be knocked out of my hands at the slightest bump. 

 
It's hard to talk about depression and anxiety. Don't hesitate to talk to your friends, your pastor, or a trusted mentor. I've listed some resources below.

Don't give this sickness any power over your marriage.

Find joy in everything today,

--Caroline

Taking Care of Yourself When Depressed
What is Depression?
What is an Anxiety Disorder?
Need help finding help?
Tips on Controlling Panic and Anxiety