Summer To Do List

1. Become a regular at the dog park.
2. Run a 5K with Everett.
3. Establish a regular date night.
4. Have fresh flowers in the house weekly.
5. Find my summer style. (Living in the mountains made me forget how to dress in the heat!)
6. Start and maintain a patio garden.
7. Start every day over coffee with my husband.

What are your summer goals?

--Caroline

Spaghetti and Waffles

We were told this in our premarital counseling, and it comes out in our marriage on a regular basis. This phrase explains some differences in the way men and women think. Men compartmentalize. When approaching a problem, they isolate it like one square of a waffle until it's taken care of. When it makes them upset, they are upset about that one square.

When women are upset, the offending problem is connected to another problem, which is connected to another problem, which is connected... and so on. This is a great mental process for some situations, because we are great at finding relationships between things. However, when something goes wrong, it all goes wrong.

Here's an example: I can't find anything to wear because I'm fat because I don't have time to work out because I am stressed out at work because I have to put in extra hours to make money because I need to pay bills and have money left over to buy clothes because I can't find anything to wear.

Another way to look at it is to imagine your brain like a net. If one section of the net gets pulled down, all the surrounding sections get pulled down with it.

You may find that when you complain about a problem to your husband, he wants to solve that one before you even approach the next one. This is one of the major differences between men and women. Don't freak out that he doesn't understand the relationships between all of your problems. He's showing you love by putting on his emotional workboots to handle that one problem, so accept it! Men are fixers. If you want to cry about all of your problems just to make you feel better, call your mom or a girlfriend. It'll just frustrate him that he can't do anything about it.

It's ok to have problems. It's ok to want to cry. It's not ok to hold your husband accountable for gender differences. Call your girlfriends or mom! Go to the humane society and snuggle with baby puppies! Send me a long email of your problem and I'll pray for it! Whatever you do, realize that your husband loves you and is on your side. Let him in to a little bit of your crazy and he'll do his best to help where he can.

--Caroline

Unrealistic expectations

Our premarital counseling was incredible. Our pastor and his wife gave us amazing life advice and really helped set us up for a happy marriage. One day, our pastor warned us against setting unrealistic expectations. "He might not pick up his clothes every day, she might not wash the dishes every night." He told us to realize that we were going into this as two imperfect humans, and that two imperfect people do not make one perfect marriage.

This is so unbelievably true. We form expectations as a way to deal with the world, but when there is a disconnect between our expectations and reality, we face disappointment. Understanding both what you can realistically expect from your partner and what they can expect from you is one of the best things that can happen to your communication. 

While you should be careful to not become disillusioned with your expectations of each other, here is the greatest truth: you can never have expectations of the Lord that are too high for Him. 

Did you get that?

You can never place an expectation of something good on the Lord and have him reply, "actually, that's a little too much. I don't know if I can handle that." Even typing that makes me want to laugh at how ridiculous it sounds. 

God is the only being who will never let you down. He will never leave you, and he will never stop loving you. He will also never stop rooting for your marriage to be incredible. He created you for each other, and it honors him when you love each other. Expect everything from Jesus, because that is what he wants for you. God wants your marriage to be unrealistically amazing. He wants your love story to be legen(wait for it)dary. Claim that promise and run with it! You are human, but you are loved by the God of the universe!

A friend of mine told me about some conversations she had with women at her work, where she would be talking about something sweet her husband did, and the women would tear her marriage down by placing false expectations of failure onto her man. The women said things like, "Oh girl, you just wait. It's only a matter of time. The romance won't last."

These are lies! The experiences these women speak from are coming out of marriages that were not centered on a perfect and loving God. You are allowed to believe that your marriage will continue to be great, because you have the support and resources you need. Marriage without God is way more difficult to do, but you can set yourself up for success by placing God in His rightful place. Marriage was created to be awesome.

You can have a love story for the ages, even though the house may not always be clean and your words may not always be the right ones. With God at the center, things make a whole lot more sense. 

--Caroline 

Adjustment

Time for an update! We moved three weeks ago. We left the town we met, fell in love, and got married in to start a new life together in Charlotte, NC. I miss my mountains with all of my heart. 

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever love this town as much as I did the mountains, but right now I don't see how that is possible. I want to find the hidden corners of this town like I do my husband's heart, because a desire for constant discovery is essential to loving. 

We moved here for an internship, which my husband loves. I applied for and got a job working in a boutique, and I work as a stylist picking out clothes for women. I love my job, and I adore my coworkers. 

A few days ago, the store had an event for bloggers in the Charlotte area. I met a lot of wonderful women, and I might be joining the group to find some local buddies. I think the hardest thing about this move is that I don't yet have a community. My husband works at an amazing studio and spends time with artists he loves every day, but I only go to work and come home. I am looking forward to finding people to live life with in this town, but right now I am becoming best friends with my fur babies. 

We are currently on the road with John Mark McMillan and the band, but are returning to Charlotte tomorrow. It's been a great couple of days with some rejuvenating worship and fellowship. Expect more posts soon, since I am fighting with the Internet company to give us our service within 3 weeks of what we were promised. 

I can't wait to get this blog revved up again! I really feel like the Lord has some awesome things in store!

Love, 

Caroline